Therapist Esther Perel on the importance of relationships:
“Life will present you with unexpected opportunities, and you won’t always know in advance which are the important moments. Above all, it’s the quality of your relationships that will determine the quality of your life. Invest in your connections, even those that seem inconsequential.”
I have a friend who exemplifies the idea that you need to both seize life’s opportunities, and also create strong social bonds with anyone who crosses your path.
In their life it took a while for these things to happen. But as I look from my distant perspective on how they went through the past 30 years of their life, I see that the two things were an interconnected dance.
The relationships, properly nourished, created opportunities for collaboration, exploration and unique experiences. And those collaborations, explorations and experiences, in turn, created new opportunities in life and business. Each fed the other as their life grew more and more fulfilling and amazing.
But another thing I’ve noticed is that they didn’t really start that way. Or rather, they didn’t start with opportunities being thrust in their direction.
And, likewise, they didn’t start as a master of building relationships.
But they did start with the innate ability to be friendly and non-judgemental with anyone who crossed their path. Whether it was a result of upbringing or environment or edcuation, they treated everyone with kindness and never held grudges (or at least they didn’t act on any they might have had).
And from that way of living and treating others, the first opportunities appeared. And from those opportunities, more relationships developed. And with each cycle they improved their ability to both take advantage of those opportunities, and also share the benefits of those opportunities with those new relationships.
It’s been a revelatory experience to witness this evolution.
And it has taught me a few lessons that I wanted to share.
First, what you are born with has nothing to do with who you become. Regardless of intrinsic talents, familial relationships, and how many opportunities you’ve been given, we all have the ability to build on what we have and create a better future.
Second, your experience in life is directly proportional to how you treat other people. Sure, we don’t have to get along with every single person, but even if you don’t care for someone’s personality, by treating them with some human decency in all your interactions, you provide more chances for both of your lives to be enhanced.
And related to that is the Third lesson: Forgiveness. By not allowing yourself to hold grudges, or let other people get on your nerves, or allowing yourself to keep negative feelings to fester inside your gut, you open yourself up to so many more opportunities for happiness, growth, and positive experiences.
And Fourth, and finally, take action on the opportunities that present themselves to you. Don’t assume you’ll have more opportunities in the future, grab hold of those ones you find, and be grateful for what you learn in the process.
Succeeding from those opportunities is actually secondary to having the experiences and learning that occurs when you seize them. Those are the true benefits of your opportunities in life.
It isn’t whether or not you make the millions, get the deal, or pass the test.
It is what you learn from having gone through it in the first place. Because it prepares you for future opportunities, and the wisdom that comes from the crossroads of action and experience is worth just as much, if not more, than any success that might be on the other side.