Self Sabotage

Why do we participate in activities that we know are detrimental to our goals, needs, health, and well being?

Why do we do things which immediately cause the inner dialogue “why am I doing this?”

It isn’t just a lack of will power. And it doesn’t seem to be just a pain vs. pleasure stimulus.

I think it stems from our fundamental beliefs about ourselves.

If you believe — in your core — that you are a specific type of person, and your life is filled with evidence that shows behavior that is congruent with that type of person, then you will act in accordance with that belief.

And if you believe that you are someone who participates in poor life choices, and you have a history of examples where you do exactly that, then you’ll be inclined to repeat those behaviors.

So, perhaps the key to resolving patterns of self-sabotage, is to reframe our personal beliefs about the type of person we are.

It is less about doing, and more about being.

We become the person who’s actions we consistently perform.

And those consistent actions define our character and values.

But we first have to define the “who”. Who are you? What sort of person ARE you? Who do you want and need to BE?

Then, when you have determine who are will BE, then you can determine what the person who IS that will do.

Of course, that just leads to the next question: why?

The Why is as important as the Who. Perhaps even more important since, without a strong “why”, then the “who” has no reason to continue being.

Why do you want to be that person? What is important about them? Why does that align with your preferred values and beliefs? Why is adjusting your definition of who you are into that person necessary?

If you create a strong enough “why”, then the “who” follows that logic. And then the “how” and the “what” are almost academic.

So … tldr:

  1. Define WHO you want to BE.
  2. Determine WHY you want to BE that person.
    1. Make the WHY super strong so that it is inconceivable that you wouldn’t follow that path.
  3. Then … BE that person.
    1. If you find yourself start to NOT be that person then just say “well, that definitely isn’t something I would do. It’s just not who I AM.” and then do a course correct.

Hmm … I guess that isn’t as hard as I thought …

… It’s harder. lol.

Image by Bruno from Pixabay